“In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write.”
-Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
This blog saved my life.
It came to me during my quarter-life crisis, when I dreaded I would die working the job I had settled for. Since creating it, I have come closer than ever to making my dreams come true.
Without it, I would not have been inspired enough to pursue this next opportunity.
I’ve devoted much of my summer to applying for a graduate program in creative writing. You can only go so long without indulging your passions before you’re motivated to invest in changing your own life.
This month, I found out I was admitted into the University of Denver, where my Master of Arts will be in creative writing (with a concentration in nonfiction).
At first, I was hesitant to go back to school because I graduated Colorado State University debt-free in 2015, thanks to the life insurance policy I inherited from my parents.
Unfortunately, though, my bachelor’s in film journalism hasn’t done much for my career except help me create this website. As much as I wish it paid the bills right now, it doesn’t, nor will it for the foreseeable future.
Not that money is everything – like I said, this blog is the reason I even survived the past year. After I finished college, I found myself trapped in an abusive relationship that cost me time and money I’ll never get back.
In addition to the undiagnosed, untreated bipolar and borderline personality disorder I was suffering through at the time, my world had become a living death as I wasted away my life digging myself out of the hole where my ex left me for dead.
Half a decade came and passed, and I started to believe it was too late for me. Every day, I would wake up dreading what my future would bring (or wouldn’t bring), and every night, I would go to bed regretting what I did (or didn’t do) with my past.
Worst of all, I wasn’t writing, because my time with my ex changed my passions – how could I force myself to live for movies again when I didn’t even want to live?
So, I followed the most basic rule of writing: write what you know.
Like the hundred-to-three-hundred-word news blog posts I published for class and the five-hundred-word streaming reviews I wrote for student media, I set reachable daily and weekly goals for myself, whether I felt like it or not.
And it paid off – first, with the Eighty-Eighth Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition, then, with MovieBabble, and, now, with DU.
All that being said, I will be taking a temporary hiatus from this project to focus on my studies. Not only that, but I also need to prepare submittable material for paying contests to raise money for my tuition.
It is simply no longer feasible for me to honor my scheduling commitments here – it hasn’t been since I set myself toward this latest ambition – and you deserve better than that for your support, so I’ll return here when it’s my only priority, and until the next time I see you again, thank you.