“In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write.”
-Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
This blog saved my life.
It came to me during my quarter-life crisis, when I dreaded I would die working the job I had settled for. Since creating it, I have come closer than ever to making my dreams come true.
Without it, I would not have been inspired enough to pursue this next opportunity.
I’ve devoted much of my summer to applying for a graduate program in creative writing. You can only go so long without indulging your passions before you’re motivated to invest in changing your own life.
This month, I found out I was admitted into the University of Denver, where my Master of Arts will be in creative writing (with a concentration in nonfiction).
At first, I was hesitant to go back to school because I graduated Colorado State University debt-free in 2015, thanks to the life insurance policy I inherited from my parents.
Unfortunately, though, my bachelor’s in film journalism hasn’t done much for my career except help me create this website. As much as I wish it paid the bills right now, it doesn’t, nor will it for the foreseeable future.
Not that money is everything – like I said, this blog is the reason I even survived the past year. After I finished college, I found myself trapped in an abusive relationship that cost me time and money I’ll never get back.
In addition to the undiagnosed, untreated bipolar and borderline personality disorder I was suffering through at the time, my world had become a living death as I wasted away my life digging myself out of the hole where my ex left me for dead.
Half a decade came and passed, and I started to believe it was too late for me. Every day, I would wake up dreading what my future would bring (or wouldn’t bring), and every night, I would go to bed regretting what I did (or didn’t do) with my past.
Worst of all, I wasn’t writing, because my time with my ex changed my passions – how could I force myself to live for movies again when I didn’t even want to live?
So, I followed the most basic rule of writing: write what you know.
Like the hundred-to-three-hundred-word news blog posts I published for class and the five-hundred-word streaming reviews I wrote for student media, I set reachable daily and weekly goals for myself, whether I felt like it or not.
And it paid off – first, with the Eighty-Eighth Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition, then, with MovieBabble, and, now, with DU.
All that being said, I will be taking a temporary hiatus from this project to focus on my studies. Not only that, but I also need to prepare submittable material for paying contests to raise money for my tuition.
It is simply no longer feasible for me to honor my scheduling commitments here – it hasn’t been since I set myself toward this latest ambition – and you deserve better than that for your support, so I’ll return here when it’s my only priority, and until the next time I see you again, thank you.
3 thoughts on “A Personal Update”
Powerful testimony. Best wishes on this new journey.
It’s definitely not easy to get out of that hole you spoke of. I’m so proud of you!
It’s not easy to get out of a hole like the one you discussed here. I am very proud of you.
Best wishes on this new journey!